This blog is about how hard Im doin it in a bad relationship. I have no intention of offending anyone, or spreading hate or anything, and therefore have kept the identities anonymous. Im only sharing a piece of my life, in my search for reason. I will update this page regularly.
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(4) The Spiral: Part one


Okay, a brief follow on to my last post.
She come around with my boy, and I transformed from the howling warewolf, to a mountain of melting cheese.
Just to see my son was enough to embed a crazy smile on my face, and make my heart feel light again.
Those of you that are parents will understand what I mean, especially those that do not get to see their child daily.
Well... I ooogled and ooogled over my son, halfway to tears each time he smiled at me :D

FACT: when young babies smile, they are passing wind lol

As for Shani... well we had light conversation as you do in anothers presence, but my main focus was on my boy. She took the "calm" atmosphere as a sign that all was well.
[ insert big cheesy grin here ]
"Do you wanna give this another shot? Do you forgive me?" is pretty close to her exact words.
My reply...
"I can never forget what happened, my heart wont let me. I missed not holding my son for his first christmas!! You have no idea what thats like!
Shit I feel like I should write a blog about this shit or something!!" :D
Yeah, its at this time that Im laughing on the inside, but got a seriously pissed off look on my face. Not easy to accomplish sometimes. But it felt great! lol
"and to forgive you............ honestly, thats gonna take a little more time than a few days. You understand that yeah?"

Anyways, the conversation went on for a while, and trying to be 100% serious while Ive got my son cuddled in my arms, was a mission in itself.
Being angry as I was, it wasnt a conversation I wanted to have at that time, but needed to have it. I guess she thought having my son as a buffer would loosen the knots.
Do you reckon it did? ;)

After the....... lets call it "formalities"....... after they were over, I stripped the clothes off that woman and FUCKED THE SHIT OUTTA HER!!
I can be a sweet lover, but I like to fuck hard!!
And I know that any woman would prefer to have their brains fucked out, to a light smooth romantic session. You can make your own conclusion to that statement, but I suggest you ask a couple woman. Im pretty sure they will repeat my statement. ;)
Anyways.... It was almost like world war 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10 were all combined.
My neighbours mustve been covering their ears, or listening with intent, as it seemed to be dead silent outside! lol
Her screams, moans, and cries of pleasure overlapped by my grunting and groaning were enough to make you drop what youre doin, and chill with a beer in hand lol
Anyways, skippin past all the details, you know youve done your duty when you go for round two, and she's laying their holding her pussy and asking if its okay if she can just give you a blowjob, "Im too sore"
[ insert big cheesy grin here ]
my reply
"If I wanted a blowjob, I woulda said so! Youre too sore? Well flip over and Im gonna fuck you up the ass!!"
"eeeeewwwwww no way!!"
"Shut the fuck up!! You'll love it!! lol"

I wont go into detail, as I understand most people do not venture far into sexual activities as others, and this is not a porn blog! lol ;)
Guess Im lucky she hadnt eaten that day lol ;)
Well she loved it, orgasmed 4 times within 60 seconds. Spun me RIGHT out! lol

More conversation followed later, and I went to see them off.
I hate saying goodbye to my son :(

Remember, I hadnt answered this yet
"Do you wanna give this another shot?"
and she asked what we're gonna do.
I told her we'll take it slow, give it time, and go from there.
Knowing thats enough to lighten her guilt, I followed up with "is that ok?", and of course it is!

Anyways... since then, I have ROYALLY FUCKED UP!!!
R O Y A L L Y!!!!!
This is something I thought I'd never ever do!
And havent done ever!!
Until last night.
Today is the 12th of January 2009, and the first day of my biggest fuckup!
I'll start another page, as this is pretty long as it is.